Yesterday's kickboxing class was side swiped by a migrane. Crap. I actually took my med's fast enough that my migrane went away about 1/2 way through the day, but it always makes my stomach feel a little wobbly and I figured throwing up on the mats during the jump rope portion of class would not be appropriate 2nd class etiquette. So I called my hubby and told him I was coming home instead cuz I didn't feel well. Got home and hubby said "I'm tired, I need to lay down for 10 minutes" OMG. Hello? I'm the one that doesn't feel good and YOU need to lay down? So I said, "since you didn't make dinner for the kids, you can lay down while I make dinner and then I'm going to bed". I finished dinner, woke him up, and he said "be out in a minute". But what he meant was "be out in an hour and 1/2". Jerk.

This fish

I was reading back through the last few days of "this fish" (see links) and in one post she compared herself to a weather forecast...Neurotic with a chance of sane.

And even though I'm totally not as hip as her, and I don't live in NY with a funky life full of adventures and friendships and subway rides and cats with cool names and a great job and a grasp on all the proper etiquette as well as the knowledge of when said can be tossed aside and a sexy wardrobe and a level of contentment with her body...when it comes to the weather forecast, it's like we're twins or something.

I finally made it to kickboxing. The class is run by a guy that actually is a champion kickboxer, he's got like 22 knockouts, and a zillion wins. He's, thus far, undefeated...pretty impressive. Anyway, it's a pretty "hard core" program. He's not into cute little "tae bo" routines or cd's mixed with songs at the same tempo. He's there to teach you to be a fighter.

So...the first 20 minutes of the class was...jump rope for 2 minutes, 15 pushups, 15 sit-ups, repeat two more times; run in place 45 seconds knees up, 30 seconds slow shuffle, 45 seconds fast, 15 pushups on knuckles, 15 situps, repeat three more times. Then we were on our backs, feet 6 inches from the floor. He punished us there...small kicks, large slow kicks, 1/2 way up and back down to a count of five, small circles, reverse direction, large circles, reverse direction, then it was over to our belly and into "plank". Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

So, I was pretty much dead by then. Next, you got a partner and sat across from them. First your partner did 10 pushups w/you counting, then you did 10. They did 9, you did 9, they did 8, you did 8...all the way to 1 and then back up to 10.

Then you get the pads. One partner has focus pads, and the other has gloves. He picks a combination (usually 3 punches, a duck, and then 3 more punches), and you do the combo as many times as you can for a 3 minute round. Then you do "burners"...jab-cross into the focus pads as fast as you can for 30 seconds. And then 30 more seconds. Then you do the 2nd combo of the night, and 2 more burners. Then you switch pads and places and the next partner does it. Then you do 50 jumping jacks, and the first person gets the gloves again. Next is two more combinations, only these have kicks in them and are each followed by 3 sets of burners. Then you do 50 jumping jacks and then you go home and try not to throw up.

I weighed myself this morning and was down 2 pounds. Yes, I know it isn't real weight loss, but hey, sweat much?

I have this food problem lately. I stare at the fridge and nothing looks good..not even the tub of cool whip, so I don't eat. Then I sit here at work STARVING. Yesterday, I ate two chocolate chip cookies, and a piece of pizza. All day. I know this is not smart. I know this is the wrong thing to do. Yet here I am, Monday morning at almost 11 and I've had a 1/2 piece of swiss cheese. What is my problem? I'm not doing it to "punish" myself, which I have done in the past, for being fat, or not working out, or whatever. I'm just totally uninterested in eating. The worst part is, I'm breastfeeding, and now I'm not making enough milk. You'd think that would put me back on the right track. But you'd be wrong.

Oy. I gotta go get something to eat.

My daughter looks like shit.

Over the last two weeks or so, I've been noticing that she looked pale, with red-rimmed eyes. At first, I thought, well, here we go. Here comes strep-throat, or an ear infection, or a sinus infection....it never came.

Each day she's gotten a little paler, and she's developed big black circles under her eyes.

I took her to the doctor today, and he agrees with me. She does not look good. He took some blood and said we'll hope its anemia, but we'll check for everything else. Me, being the anxious wreck that I am, of course knows that "everything else" means leukemia or neuroblasphoma, or something equally as horrible that I would just prefer my five year old doesn't have, thank you very much.

So now I wait. And try to pretend to be productive at work. But mostly I just watch the clock and wonder if it's too early to call and see if the results are in. I don't want to be a pest, but this is my daughter. My light. My laughter. My heart.

Let me preface by saying that I really do love my new boxer. Really. I do. But I'm two minutes away from hanging her up by her cute little doggy toenails. She just refuses to be housetrained and it's driving me crazy. She is so sweet and so cute and if she pees on my carpet one more time I'm going to have a melt down.

I mean, I know she's smart, because she figured out how to ring the bell to go outside, which she does 85% of the time. But, the other (let's see...100% - 85%), yeah, 15% of the time she either sneaks downstairs to the basement and goes there, or she runs upstairs and does it in the hallway. Oh, and yesterday she had just come in from outside and we were playing in the kitchen, and then she walked around to the other side of the island where I couldn't see her and peed there. I'm losing my mind. This morning, she was obviously tired because she didn't feel like going all the way up the stairs, and instead peed on the fourth from the bottom. And husband has even less patience then me and is pissed. Excuse the pun.

Also, she still "occasionally" pees in her kennel. She won't do it for 2 weeks, and then all of the sudden she'll do it. Last time, I took out her pillow, cleaned the kennel, laid down a towel, and put her in it. In the middle of the night she started barking, so I went to see if she needed to go outside...nope. She'd peed on the towel and wanted me to come remove the wet one.

Someone out there has got to have a tip for me...the poor, tired of cleaning up pee, owner of a dog that refuses to adhere to the house rules.....

Today I find myself unable to muster the motivation to hit the gym. I was going to go at lunch, and now I can't really go, or by the time I got back it'd be time to go home, and that's not cool. I'm still holding out hope that I'll do something tonight, but I haven't got a full night's sleep in about forever, so I'm feeling really exhausted today and all I want to do is take a nap. Maybe it's my body's way of telling me I need a little rest, but I feel guilty nonetheless.

I emailed a local kickboxing school to ask about rates and times. It's kind of far from my house, but it's a total badass school and it might be worth the drive. I'll keep you posted.

Today I am wonderfully sore. four days of working out after months of a sedentary lifestyle will do that for you. And oh, the pain, feels so so good.

My puppy is slowly, and with much confusion, learning to sort of walk on a leash. The best way to a boxer's brain is through their mouth, apparently. As long as I have a fist full of smelly treats, she's just happy as a lark to be wearing her harness.

The shirt I'm wearing today has slightly shorter sleeves than usual, and I'm distressed at the fact that you can see my PATHETIC FARMER'S TAN. I spent most of the summer pregnant and in HUGE clothes, hiding my once toned arms as they became flabby, and now I look like Bubba from the corner dairy farm.

I must go grocery shopping tonight. I hate going on Fridays, but we're getting low and I don't want to eat cookies just because there's nothing else. I've been so good this week. The only cheat I've had was some chocolate graham crackers last night, which really isn't all that bad if you consider the amount of JUNK I've crammed in, in recent months.

I've decided that ediets, on their default setting, is just too damn complicated. I mean, in a week, they give me 6 different meals for 6 days. There's just no way I'm making 36 different things each week, so I've been tinkering with it a bit. I've now got it changed to breakfast being my choice, the four meals in the day the exact same all week long, and then a different dinner each night. Might sound boring, but I find it much easier to make lots of one thing then one of lots. Plus, the first week I bought raspberries for a meal, and by the time I got to it on the plan they'd gone all mushy and greenish. Not cool. Now I just have to pick 4 things I like and then find a dinner, and since all the dinners have to be "family" friendly as well as "EFL" friendly, that narrows the search a bit. But I love that once you have it all figured out, they print you out a shopping list. That way I just have to add the stuff I need for the kids, and I'm off to the store.

So far, it's been worth the $20 it cost me...just to keep me away from the bad stuff I normally binge on.