I have somewhere between 17 and eleventy-thousand small metal splinters in my hand. Thanks, in part, to my incredible prowess with a screw gun and my equally admirable lack of patience and concentration. Most of the annoyingly painful little buggers are wedged firmly and deeply into my left thumb. Leading me to the following epiphany...I use my left thumb a hella lot. All those poor opposeable thumb-less creatures just don't know what they're missing.

If I were a bettin' man, I'd put 10 million dollars down on me, at some point today, becoming so totally obsessed with these little shards of torture that I end up with some dirty box knife and a pair of dull point tweezers in a vain attempt to extract the damn things while still leaving most of the skin and nerves intact. And also, if I had 10 million dollars.

But I don't, so most likely, I'll end up doing it for free. There will be blood. Let's not fool ourselves.