Dear lady in the checkout line with the missing tooth,
I realize that you may not have anything else to do tonight, but I'm sort of in a rush, so if possible, could you please double check the sizes of the 14 shirts you are buying BEFORE it is your turn at the register? Additionally, could you please refrain from saying 'what'd that ring up as?' for each of your items, being as there's a little display that shows you the cost right there in front of your face? And while we're on the subject of cost...if something rings up as 4.99, and you think the sign might have said 4.97, could you please not make the cashier do a price check for 2 cents? Here's a nickel, keep the change. Frugal is one thing, this is another. And when the cashier says "I'll just change the price" please don't INSIST that she do a price check so that you can pay the right amount, because I may have to punch you in the throat. Oh, and the 4 people behind you in the ONLY register open really don't care who you're buying the 5 different pairs of shoes for, or where, in the country they live. Buy a whole fuckload of shoes if you want, just be done with it already. And please don't stand there and ponder if you really want the red shirt you picked out, or if maybe you should go exchange it for the blue, after the checker has finished ringing you out and is, much more patiently then me, waiting for you to pay. And speaking of paying, could you please not be the slowest check writer on the face of the earth EVER. And, is it necessary to try and reconcile your checkbook right there on the little belt while the rest of us roll our eyes and try to keep from screaming? Please, just take your packages, and walk away. Please.

your cooperation would be appreciated.